A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…. Frank Ocean released details for his upcoming album, “Boys Don’t Cry.” July 2015 is what he said… it is now July plus 239 days. Yes, sadly it’s been 239 days since Frank Ocean’s album was supposed to drop.
There are endless tweets and memes circulating the Internet based on conspiracy theories of what might have happened to the dude who made us miss the boyfriends we’ve never had.
It has been four years since his first album released and since then, we have heard no new music from him. He deleted his Instagram and Twitter accounts, leaving fans with no source of contact. But then, he hit us with a Tumblr post showing off his magazine, “Boys Don’t Cry” and a caption that read: “I got two versions. I got twoooo versions. #ISSUE1 #ALBUM3 #JULY2015 #BOYSDONTCRY.”
FINALLY. Frank Ocean is releasing new music. This is going to be the best summer ever. SIKE, July came and went. Fans were left Dazed and Confused – even more than Matthew McConaughey when people hire him for something other than his abs. Since that brutal month of July, fans have heard nothing from him. No tweets, no Instagrams, no Tumblr posts. We were left ghosted by our beloved artist.
That’s when memes of Frank Ocean posted up on the back of milk cartons and conspiracy theories began to surface. Supposedly, Frank Ocean’s new album was just a ploy by the government to distract us.
I don’t think the government is that intelligent even if Donald Trump is the frontrunner for the Republican candidacy. Out of all the artists, I expected this no-show shit from Kanye, not Frank Ocean!
As I searched for clues to when the highly anticipated album is going to drop, I noticed that Frank Ocean’s ex-girlfriend was trolling the Internet, tweeting “Already heard the entire album & know every word.” This girl has no chill. Who are you to tease us and mess with our emotions?
In addition, Frank’s mother took to twitter and replied to tweets about the album release. She tweeted, “Just a little patience my princess. Nothing he wants more than to share his treasure with you.” That’s sweet and all but he said JULY 2015!
As a child, I had trouble finding Waldo. Fast forward to my late teenage years, I’m having trouble finding Frank Ocean.
August came and the developers of boysdontcry.co accidentally leaked the artist’s merchandise, which gave fans hope that MAYBE, just maybe his album would be released soon.
On the 22nd Frank was set to perform at FYF fest, uh oh time to face the music (literally). However, just TWO DAYS before the event, flakey Frank strikes again and cancels his performance.
Even his friends were like “Bro, where you at doe?” Chance the Rapper took to Instagram to call his dear friend out with a caption reading, “When you still waiting for boys to not cry.”
Like come on man, what have we done to you that we deserve to be lead on and played with? Bryson Tiller once said, “ Don’t, don’t play with her, don’t be dishonest.”
I do have some good news though. Frank Ocean is alive. I don’t know about you guys, but I began to worry about Frank…
He went MIA and fell off the face of the earth until January 7th, 2016 when Rich the Kid tweeted a picture facetiming with the most wanted man in the world. (I mean there a lot more people more wanted than Frank but you get what I’m saying)
With all the shit that is happening in this world, from bizarre December heat waves to Chipotle closing it’s doors for a day we need this album more than ever. As citizens of Earth, we deserve this album. Please save us from another track featuring Pitbull; my ears can’t take it anymore. I need to listen to some good shit.
That being said, I have compiled a list of 5 things that could happen once Frank Ocean’s album is released:
- Legalization of Marijuana
- Donald Trump admits his presidential run was a joke
- People will stop riding their hoverboards as they take their dogs out
- California will no longer be in a state of drought
- Guac will be free of charge
So come on Frank save the world and release your f***ing album already.