Life is too goddamn short.
I know at this point that’s the most colloquial, overused phrase and you may want to smack me for using it, but I said it anyway because it’s true. You actually never know when a day could be your last.
My fraternity sister (yes, fraternity sister, we’re unique) just experienced the loss of her mother about three days ago. She’s my best friend in the fraternity and it hits very close to home, as her mother died of cancer and my other best friend’s mother passed away from cancer this time last year. I’m trying my best to be supportive without overdoing it, and I’m going to the viewing even though I never knew her mother, but simply to show my physical presence of support. The experience has caused me to do a lot of thinking about family and purpose and how it is you recover from that sort of experience. This is what I’ve gotten so far:
1) Your family can be intentional.
Family is just a group of people that supports you and loves you and makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re related to them by blood. In fact, many times those who gave you life end up letting you down at some point or another, but that’s okay because family is so much more than a blood line. Seeing the support that every fraternity member – for example – has given her has just further proved to me that family is a feeling, it’s a community, it’s an expression of love and caring and true, undying support. Death is unavoidable and awful and devastating, but when you have a family – or an intentional family – standing behind you, coping is undeniably simpler.
2) Death is a time for growth.
No one should ever have to experience what my two friends have experienced, especially at such a young age, yet ultimately it will cause them to grow. They are without a doubt stronger, more spiritual, and more independent as a result of simply having to be. If each experience in your life is supposed to make you a better version of yourself, I cannot imagine that things (even awful things like this) do not happen for a reason. If you stay grounded and realize that everything has a purpose in the greater scheme of life then ultimately, you will be okay. In fact, you’ll be more than okay – you’ll be progressing and moving forward in the way that you are meant to.
3) Reaching out is the best you can do.
Whether it’s a simple text message or a train ride visit, no matter the scale of the action, any form of reaching out to show your support is the best you can possibly do. How good must it feel to have Facebook post after Facebook post extending love and support and true, undeniable caring in the hardest times of your life? Reaching out on both ends is imperative – if you’re struggling, reach out because being alone and never saying you need help (or just a hug) is the worst thing you can do. And to that end, reaching out and extending a caring word or hand-hold is just as imperative; maybe it’s all the person needs to get past a tough moment and move forward with his or her life.
Tell people you love them while you can. Be there for people like you would like them to be there for you. Never assume that your words and actions don’t have an impact. Never stop caring and never stop loving and always know that someone, anyone, everyone cares.