It wasn’t the pornography itself that surprised Anna but rather the condition of the photos. Black and white snapshots outlined with well thumbed borders. A stain on the upper right corner of one photo. Worn gloss and grainy quality. These were held in sweaty palms and clenched fingers in secret corners of rooms for years.
In total there were three pictures. All black and white, all grainy, that sat in her mother’s hope chest. Under Anna’s baby blankets and first locks of hair. Beneath her mothers’ prom corsage and old theater tickets. Way down at the bottom was an unlabeled envelope and inside that was the pornography. Her own mother owning these! What a shame, Anna thought; they were supposed to be nice women. Despite that sentiment, she couldn’t resist peeking.
Anna closed her mother’s hope chest and laid the three photos across the lid. They looked kind of like her she thought. Same mound in the middle part and same opening in the lower. The hair was different but that was to be expected. Not everyone can be exactly the same right? One of them had hardly any hair at all. This one was especially daring but it showed mostly wrinkles and Anna wanted to look at something younger.
She focused on the last photo on the far right instead. The contents of the picture almost reminded her of herself when she would lock the bathroom door, take off her covering, and just stare into the cabinet mirror. Looking at the reflection and studying every minute detail.
Now, Anna stared at the pornography in her hand and felt her face flush. Hot at the cheeks, and heavy breathing at the mouth, Anna double checked the room for solitude before lifting her covering for fresh air. Her heartbeat was irregular; passing over the lub-dubs then doubling back to cover them. Suddenly, the pulsing shame was too much to handle.
Anna shoved the photos back in the envelope and the envelope back in the hope chest. She replaced her covering and sprung up to the balls of her feet. Like it never happened, Anna fanned out her covering and walked gracefully out of the room.
The next day at class all Anna could think about was going back to her mother’s hope chest again. Thinking of these photos made her hot and uncomfortable. She tugged at her covering until she was no longer inflamed.
The last bell rang and she raced to her house, past her mother in the kitchen, and straight up to the hope chest. Anna clutched the envelope and brought it to her chest. She embraced the photos and then ripped them out of their bland covering and spread them out in front of her.
Anna ran her hands over her face letting her fingers touch all her human intricacies. She was too involved in the pictures to hear the open and shut of the door or to see her mother walked up behind her.
“Beautiful aren’t they?”
Her mother placed her hands on her daughter’s shoulders and stared down at the photos. Anna nodded yes. She was too afraid to speak. The fear of getting beat over snooping was not as bad as the fear of knowing why her mother possessed those pictures. Her mother wasn’t thinking of her daughter snooping right now but rather the past.
“The human face is a striking thing.”
Anna nodded her head up and down. Her mother reached over her daughter and picked up the photo on the right.
“Look at her face Anna, no covering at all! Look at her hair, It’s so long. Look at her mouth: she’s smiling. You ever see anyone smile? Like for real? It’s incredible to look at. Look at her eyes Anna! They’re so bright its like they’re shining out humanity.”
Photo Credit