7 looks for real life situations
We’ve all read the women’s mag articles about how to look great while accepting your multiple awards, or being the head of state, but how about some guidelines for us underachievers?
Look chic all the time with these down to earth wardrobe suggestions.
1. Helping Your Friend Move – Everyone hates helping a friend move but you have to do it because if you don’t, when you move into the perfect 5th story flat you’ll be hauling your cabbage patch dolls up those rickety steps alone. Prepare for the physical drudgery by wearing a cute but sturdy pair of sneakers and some basic cut jeans. You’re going to want to stay away from darker washes so that the dust from your friend’s collection of purely decorative cat statues doesn’t leave streaks. Finish this outfit off with a T-shirt made of breathable fabric that won’t show sweat stains.
2. First Time Running into your One Night Stand – This is a time where you want to look extra fierce. Wear a bodycon dress with a flashy pattern that says ‘ I fucked you but I’m better than you.’ This type of message can be achieved in both pastel and jewel tones. Like most outfits, the accessories make the look complete. Add a pair of small earrings that flash when you shake your head ‘no’ to answer his question of ‘was it as good for you as it was for me.’ If you feel like you need to maintain additional control over the emotional situation, start whistling the chorus from any Destiny’s Child classic.
3. Explaining to the Family Why You’re Switching Your Major from Engineering to Art History – Now that you are free from the confines of studying 10+ hours a day, take a shower. After showering completely, taking full time to soak in the water without worrying about equations or reactions, dress yourself in all black. Being an art student in an undergrad program means being ironic. So get some buttons from your local student union, thrift store, 4-H club or American Legion outpost and accessorize! For the finishing touch on this outfit, towel dry your hair while applying gel so your mane looks the perfect amount of disheveled. Leave your face as blank as the canvas you’re preparing to stake your worth on, unless you are taking a concentration in Theater. If so, add liquid liner in the cat eye shape around the top of your eyelids.
4. In line at the DMV – The DMV is the perfect place to show off your fashion sense, because those blank walls and endless lines provide no where for people to look other than at each other. Stand out by wearing a bright patterned T-shirt and a leather skater skirt. Tuck the T-shirt into the waistband pull out a little bit of the fabric to create a carefree look. It will be important to embody this carefree attitude after the third round of waiting in hour long lines because you accidently checked ‘sometimes’ instead of ‘maybe’ on an obscure form. This is definitely a time for wearing comfortable shoes. Try to find some flats or boots with a thick even sole.
5. Buying Groceries While Intoxicated – It’s important to look stylish even when you’re stone cold drunk. Pick an outfit you feel comfortable moving around in, such as leggings or a cotton dress. Bonus points if the material is machine washable, so you won’t have to scrub out vomit stains. Try to stay away from heels so you can retain your sense of balance as much as possible. Dark color schemes work best with this outfit, and in the winter months wear tights. This way you won’t flash the deli staff when you fall over near the cold cuts.
6. Going to the Gynecologist – The main idea for this outfit is accessibility. Wear a loose garment such as a sundress or a flowy skirt that you can push up towards your waist. No need to worry much about your underwear because you will be taking it off anyway. On top, wear a sweater or pullover; doctor’s offices are notoriously freezing and now is not the time to be more uncomfortable than you already are. If you want to add some pizazz to your gyno-themed outfit, try out some fun pom-pom or ruffle socks your doctor can look at as your legs are up on the stirrups.
7. Watching your sister’s middle school play – This PG rendition of Into the Woods will be boring, but a great place get back on those mean girls from your junior high days. Wear an ensemble that definitely wouldn’t pass the sexist middle school dress code by showing off the rack you wish you had in the eighth grade. Top this outfit off with a subtle hat that will require you to sit in the back row for easy getaway.
With this handy guide, you can be picture perfect in any average situation!
Sarah Beth Kaye