This article is the first in a series of daily publications for our April/May online edition.
by Cassie Rosario
The screen is filled with people. Tons of people. Tons of tons of people. People who, just like us, are waiting. They are waiting for the promise of a new day. They are waiting to start fresh. They are waiting. While I have always appreciated fresh starts, I could not help but be stuck on the image of the individuals waiting. When the ball finally descended, the crowd, along with my brother at home, cheered. However, I am still stuck on that image; the waiting.
There is so much anticipation and excitement, but the only real action includes counting down from ten and pulling in one’s loved ones. I think that action is telling. We are all hopeful for the uncertainties ahead of us. Although I also feel simultaneously hopeful and uncertain, I feel hopeful for a change. Rather than allowing myself to sit on the sidelines, I have decided to get rid of my bad habit. Some people cannot stop biting their nails. Others may have difficulties getting themselves offline. My bad habit, however, lies within my inability to stop apologizing for unnecessary reasons. I soon realized that some habits are harder to resolve than others.
Although bad habits cannot be fixed overnight, I find myself constantly struggling to break this specific bad habit on a day to day basis. For instance, even though people may stand in my way on the sidewalk or on an overcrowded bus, I will go out of my way to apologize for needing to pass them. Other times, I will completely disregard that it is okay to be busy and give someone a delayed response. So then, I will apologize to them for not responding quickly. I have even caught myself apologizing for needing to borrow something from a friend. Sometimes, I go as far as apologizing for apologizing. While apologizing may be good and manners enforced, this does not mean that I should feel obligated to apologize for needing to live my daily life.
It is not that I want to constantly apologize for every little thing. I do not need to do this, yet I still do. And it is not just me. Since making this resolution, I have become more cognizant of the times that I or other women have apologized for things out of our control, but this cognizance has not made me or others stop unnecessarily apologizing.
I often notice that some of my female friends will apologize for their feelings. First, they will start by saying, “well I had a pretty lousy day.” Then, I ask, “what happened?” At this point, they will express why they feel this way. Every step along the way, I will give them my undivided attention and try to sympathize. Everything will be going great, but then, they will immediately say “sorry” for expressing these sentiments. I always tell them that their feelings are valid and important, but they still apologize the next time and the time after that and the time after that. Why is that? Why do we feel the utmost urgency to apologize for things that are completely out of our control?
I would like to think the answer is simple, but nothing worthwhile ever really is. I have watched videos, read studies, and flipped through articles, but nothing has really given me a definitive answer.
The only reason I can attribute to this habit is our culture’s history of expecting women to be submissive. Although this history is clearly changing (and for the better I might add), some progress is not the same as absolute success. We have been hardwired to believe that we should apologize for things because we do not want to come across as overbearing. But what is overbearing about speaking your mind or living your life to the fullest extent?
Indeed, there is nothing overbearing about this. And we should not have to feel like there is something wrong with it. We should only be expected to go about our lives the best ways that we can. While it is extremely important to apologize when we actually have done something wrong, we should not feel obligated to apologize for every little daily action or detail of our lives. I would like to think we, as a human race, are better than that. While I cannot change this about myself or others overnight, I do hope to bring more awareness to this stigma. The time has come for us to realize that this is not acceptable. Everyone, men and women alike, need to stand together and make a change.
There is no more waiting.