by Izilda Amber
Music, like with most art forms, has an inherent social phenomenon to it. The artist produces their work, it is received by an audience, and the audience does further sharing. When we send a song to our friends, it’s another way of connecting to an individual. Perhaps there’s something the song expresses that you yourself can’t communicate in just plain words, or through a string of texts. We can associate a song with someone you know. Maybe the song captures her mannerisms, or it’s because she introduced you to the band, it could even be a random tune you both sing along to in your car on Friday nights. Sometimes songs can snap you back to a different time in your life, where you had with a different set of circumstances and different friends to match. In these cases we see music is tied to an experience, more often than not, a shared experience. Because music is shared, you run the risk of associating some really bopping tunes with some less than bopping people. Music can then become a painful reminder of something you’d rather forget.
A ‘dead song’ is one that we believe lost its value. Listening to it does you more harm than good. When your phone shuffles to one of these ‘dead’ songs, you’re suddenly brought back to that time where you first heard it. You can remember the way she used to sing the chorus to make you laugh. You’re reminded of the time you spilled your guts to him during a harder point in your life. One thing leads to another and suddenly it’s 3am, you’ve been checking in on that person’s instagram, convincing yourself you’re not hurt. But the damage is done, they’re back in your head. So you’ve made the decision to axe any and all music that reminds you of them. In the moment, it seems rational to avoid the things that could set you off. But does this really address the lingering issue at hand?
Labeling a song ‘dead’ doesn’t mean that the song lost all the features that once made it appealing to you. Avoiding it doesn’t suddenly remove the old associations. If anything, this aversion reinforces the negative connotations you’ve linked with the song. In making this decision, we fail to consider if that person should really hold that much power over you. Are they really that significant that they get to control the kind of music we get to enjoy, even if its been months since we’ve ceased contact? Insisting that the song is ‘dead’ simply maximizes the power of the person you don’t fuck with anymore. They don’t ‘own’ the song anymore than you do, they were simply around at a time where you listened to it. Mistaking the association we have for a song (“we used to bond over Vundabar a lot”) as ownership of a song (“well she listened to it a lot, that’s her thing, she got me into them”) is what limits the song’s true value and worth. The song does exist outside of that person. It does exist beyond that time of your life. When music gets a chance to ‘live’ in other contexts, new meaning and value is gained. In this sense, a song isn’t ever truly dead, it just isn’t fully recognized.
It’s fine to make a song “off-limits” for a little bit. We all heal differently, and I’m not expecting you to blast the love songs you both jammed to on the day of your break-up and move on. The issue is when we let believe the song is ‘dead’, unsalvageable, something that cannot be resurrected in a new light. Music is a shared experience. You shouldn’t be alone when you try to give those ‘dead’ songs another chance. Play it on the aux cord with your buddies as you drive to some obscure venue. Recommend it at a house party. Let the song reside with different people and different events. Eventually you’ll associate the song with these new experiences, and you’ll recognize something different about it too. You appreciate the riff before the second verse, you vibe with the bass, maybe you caught the words in a new light. This isn’t an overnight process by any means. I’m not guaranteeing you won’t ever think of those old associations the song once had. It’s the unfortunate reality of relationships, you’re bound to remember that individual from time to time. However, whenever you confront these songs and put them in new contexts, you’re regaining control of the things that used to make you happy. You deserve to be happy. Don’t let the music you like escape you at your own expense.