Spoiler Free Review.
As the leaves turn and the air grows crisp, it’s the perfect time to curl up with a dark, twisted read. Today’s pick? Ashley Winstead’s In My Dreams I Hold a Knife.
I was all set to defend this book, but for once, BooksTok hasn’t completely torn apart one of my favorite reads. Part of me is almost disappointed that I couldn’t prove the negative reviews I anticipated wrong. That is not to say there are none. I’ve seen some critiques floating around that I just disagree with—especially when it seems like many of the critiques about certain plot points overlook that these choices feel very intentional on the author’s part and that define the book’s tone.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. In My Dreams I Hold a Knife follows the story of seven college friends whose senior year takes a tragic turn when Heather, one of the seven, is murdered. Suspicion falls on her ex-boyfriend, but with no solid evidence, no one is ever charged. The book picks up ten years later when Jessica, our main character, returns to campus for a reunion during Homecoming. As secrets surface and lies unravel, the truth about Heather’s death begins to emerge.
So, what did BooksTok get right? Overall, I’d say this book is hyped appropriately–though it’s not mainstream on BookTok, it’s also not some hidden gem. Honestly, it’s not groundbreaking or revolutionary, but it fed my hyper-specific book craving: a fall-vibe thriller with a sprinkle of dark academia. However—BookTok is absolutely right (and I just did it too): this should not be marketed as a dark academia book. Sure, it’s set on a picturesque American university campus with cobblestone paths and ivy-covered walls, but the story does not revolve around academics. However, if your definition of dark academia is just the aesthetic—think of an obsession with academics, mysterious campus vibes, and secrets lurking in dorm rooms—then this book might just be the perfect match.
Here’s where I think people are missing the point. Many reviews complain about how unlikable the characters are, however, I believe it is deliberate. These characters are designed to be “morally gray” at best and outright terrible at worst. If you’re someone who needs likable characters, fair enough—this might not be for you. Yet, I think that’s what makes the book so compelling. Winstead does a fantastic job of fleshing out her characters through a breathtaking (you will literally be holding your breath) pacing between past and present timelines, presenting the character’s histories and motivations so intricately that you might catch yourself sympathizing with some of them despite their terrible choices.
Another critique I’ve read is that the twists weren’t shocking. And to that, I’ll say, maybe…? I’ll admit, I’m terrible at predicting plot twists, so I found them satisfying enough. That said, as a Criminal Justice major, I found myself side-eyeing the depiction of law. Two of the characters are lawyers, yet some of their actions felt… let’s say, not lawyer-like. It didn’t ruin the story for me, but I did find myself thinking that no attorney in their right mind would ever behave like that. But maybe that’s the point, none of them are in their right mind.
Overall, I really enjoyed this book and would recommend it to anyone craving a twisty, morally complex thriller with dark fall vibes in an academic setting.