The poem “INDECISION” by Ai(not to be mistaken for ‘artificial intelligence’) comes from her book of poetry titled Cruelty. Compared to other poems in the book, “INDECISION” is on the tamer side, but it is a poem where Ai’s simple yet descriptive language shines in only seven lines of verse:
INDECISION
seamstress, you sew a screen door to my mouth
and it slams back against my cheek, soundlessly,
when I try to speak,
leaving only a question mark
that wheels around on its period,
its one leg, yelling, go ahead, ask me anything, ask me anything,
but don’t make me decide what to do.
Written in the style of a monologue, it reads as the speaker of the poem making a plea to an unmanned ‘seamstress’. This plea feels desperate, but it is also very colorful and performative in its asking. The speaker first gives a strong image of their situation. The seamstress has sewn a “screen to door to my mouth”, which is unsettling but also contains an interesting paradox. It seems that the door is sewn to stop the speaker from speaking, but it is a screen door, meaning it is perforated, and the speaker’s speaking would still be heard. The image is expanded with, “and it slams back against my cheek, soundlessly,/when I try to speak,” cementing the fact the door is there to stop the speech of the speaker. Is making the door a screen door a cruel joke played on the speaker? Like having your phone but no reception? The image of the screen door is clear but not entirely; the image itself is somewhat indecisive.
The second image of the poem embodies indecisiveness, and I would argue, gives the poem its namesake. The speaker’s inability to speak is described as a question mark “that wheels around on its period,” giving a frantic spinning energy, and “its one leg, yelling,” giving a meek but desperate feeling. And the yelling is just as desperate and frantic with repetitive “ask me anything”s but a definitive “don’t make me decide what to do”. Indecision is encapsulated in this image. It is personifying a question mark into what it represents. A question is inherently uncertain. Although it may not always have the same frantic energy as described in this poem, a question mark indicates uncertainty. The cruel irony in this poem is that the question mark is not intentional. There is only indecision because what the speaker has to say cannot be said. How this poem treats indecision reminds me of the saying: ‘the only constant is change’, whereas for this poem, it would be: ‘the only thing you can be certain about is there will be indecision’.