Many of us have encountered a relationship where every glance, every song, and every shared moment seemed to be guided by fate. However, what feels like destiny is our projections, rooted more in hopes than reality. “500 Days of Summer” delves into this familiar heartache, illustrating how our expectations can influence and occasionally distort our understanding of love.
The film centers on Tom Hansen as he experiences the ups and downs of his relationship with Summer Finn. While Tom views Summer as the ideal partner, she remains emotionally distant and never fully commits to him. The film explores relationships, romantic expectations, and different attachment styles through their interactions.
Tom demonstrates traits of anxious attachment, marked by emotional dependence and a fear of abandonment. He idealizes Summer, perceiving her as the key to his happiness while overlooking the clear signs that they are not aligned in their feelings. Even though Summer has expressed that she does not want a serious relationship, Tom clings to the hope that her mind will change. His emotional highs when things are going well and his lows when Summer withdraws underscore his deep need for reassurance and validation in love.
Summer exhibits traits of avoidant attachment, valuing her independence, and struggling with emotional intimacy. While she enjoys spending time with Tom, she maintains a distance by refusing to label their relationship. She is upfront about not wanting anything serious, yet her actions convey mixed signals as she engages in both emotional and physical intimacy with him. However, her eventual commitment to someone else indicates that she wasn’t wholly avoiding relationships; she was avoiding a relationship with Tom.
While Tom craves commitment, Summer values freedom. The film highlights that mutual attraction and shared experiences aren’t enough if fundamental needs don’t align. Summer is upfront about not wanting a relationship, yet Tom ignores this in favor of his romantic fantasies. Many fall into the trap of thinking someone will change for them, but love should be based on reality, not potential.
Tom puts Summer on a pedestal, viewing her as perfect instead of recognizing her complexities. This prevents him from acknowledging the incompatibilities in their relationship, ultimately leading to heartbreak. True love stems from seeing someone for who they are rather than who we wish them to be. 500 Days of Summer isn’t a love story—it’s a story about love and how our expectations shape our relationships.